Some years ago I was completely shattered by a friend’s betrayal.
Or what I then perceived to be a betrayal.
And a friend.
Of course, it was neither.
But back then I thought that the lady who had been playing a double game behind my back was my dear friend. Today I know that all she wanted was to use me as a springboard to reach her own goals. The worst of it was that there were many, many people involved.
When I couldn’t help her anymore, once I stopped acting as a springboard, she did everything in her hand to destroy me. I knew too much and was too loved by those around us. She tried it all: lies, inventions, manipulation, gossip, insults… Fortunately, most people knew me well by then and couldn’t be fooled by her.
But that sad experience made me wonder. I had long conversations with my dear husband about my openness to others and my very social and trusting nature. In his opinion, I always gave too much and risked being abused by ill-meaning people.
I thought about it deeply. And then I thought about it a bit more.
I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to decide and define who I wanted to be. As I understood it, I had but two choices: I could continue trusting everybody and be open to more possible disappointments or I could close the door to people, not give them a chance to hurt me, and keep safe from them. It was either trusting strangers or doubting them from the start.
What I could NOT do was continue trusting everyone I met and then be surprised but the betrayals and pain provoked by some of them.
I chose to trust people, to not close doors before they were given a chance to be opened. But I knew that that choice involved being aware that some of the people I trusted would eventually disappoint and hurt me. I decided to trust them because the opposite was something I could not bear: rejecting everyone right away.
I’d much rather suffer some disappointments and meet some wonderful people than being safe but alone. That was my personal choice.
It’s a decision we all have to make sooner or later. What would you rather have?
Enjoy life, J.