Forgiving is no easy task. People have been trying to do it for centuries. And sometimes still today, old stories come haunting back.
We first learn to forgive in our minds. We think we forgive. We might even say we forgive. And we do… in our minds. We’re first taught to forgive in our minds as kids, when our parents ask us to accept somebody’s apology for something. We accept the apology and forgive. We think we forgive; we don’t necessarily feel it.
The second step is taken by forgiving in our hearts. Whenever we feel peace after the pain, we might be forgiving in our hearts. We say we forgive and feel its warmth wash over us.
The third step is the hardest one; forgiving and letting go. Forgiving in our minds or in our hearts doesn’t prevent the pain or the anger from coming back and creating the same nasty feelings again. It is then that we feel surprised at ourselves and wonder why the feelings are coming back if we had already forgiven. My answer is that we hadn’t forgiven… completely. Forgiving in our minds and hearts is not complete forgiveness. Some people believe this is so because human beings also have something called “cellular memory.” I don’t know wether that’s the case or not but I do know that absolute forgiveness must include this third step to be real and complete.
Absolute forgiveness requires letting go of whatever it is that caused the pain, the suffering, the anger or the hurt in the first place. It is not until you can let it go that you’re really, truly forgiving. It is not until you let go that you can recall the events without pain or anger.
These are the three steps to real forgiveness. First forgive in your mind, then in your heart, then let the cause of your pain or anger go. If you take the three steps, it will never come back to haunt you.
Some people don’t know how to take this third step. It’s not just a matter of will or decision. It’s more than that. Truly letting go usually needs understanding and acceptance. The process would require a whole new post in this blog. Do contact me in the comments below if you’d like to learn about the tool I developed to help people take the 3 steps and truly forgive whatever it was that was causing them pain or anger. I’d be more than happy to help you truly forgive and fully enjoy life, all of it, again.
Enjoy life… ALL of it,
Jessica J. Lockhart – humanology – www.jessicajlockhart.com
Jessica J. Lockhart is a humanologist, bestselling author and renowned international speaker. Follow her here: