People think that I never feel sad, betrayed, disappointed or hurt because I am an Optimism Coach but I do. I feel all those things and many others. The only difference is that I let them go. Let me explain myself.
Whenever I feel hurt I do the following:
- I let the pain engulf me totally and completely. I feel the pain. I give myself permission to feel whatever it is that I am feeling and I feel it all the way. That kind of feeling is produced by our sense of loss. We lost the person we loved, the friendship we cherished, the dream we had… and as such, the loss has to be mourned. So that’s what I first do. I cry for my loss.
- But I also set a deadline to the mourning. Yes, I fix a time or day when the mourning will be over. I tell myself something like, ‘ok, how long do I need to mourn this loss, an hour, a day, three days?’ And that’s the time I cry. Not a minute longer.
- Once the crying is over, I get busy. I call a friend, plan an outing or an activity I enjoy doing and immerse myself in the action. I am aware that there’s still pain in me but choose to focus my conscious mind away from it.
- After that first activity is completed, I plan fun or interesting activities for as long as I was mourning: if I mourned and cried for an hour, I plan activities that will keep me busy for one hour; if I cried for three days, I plan a 3-day trip or 3 days with many things to keep me busy.
- Once the activity period is completed, I give myself permission to look back and think of everything positive that missing person or experience gave me. Imagine I was hurt by a betrayal… I might start feeling happy that the person is not around me anymore or that I learned a valuable lesson. If my hurt came from losing somebody, I can celebrate having met and loved them. I can do this exercise in writing, out loud or just in my head. I look for whatever good there was and is. By this time, the hurt, the pain, the sadness are always more than bearable. And I start smiling again.
I hope these tips help you as much as they help me.
Enjoy life… ALL of it,
Jessica J. Lockhart – humanology – www.jessicajlockhart.com
Jessica J. Lockhart is a humanologist, bestselling author and renowned international speaker. Follow her here: