I look at your life and see your reality from my own point of view. There’s nothing else I can do. I can’t be you. I can’t see things the way you see them. I can’t perceive the world the way you do. Because I don’t have your worldview. I didn’t live what you lived. I didn’t learn what you learned. I never was you.
Something happens to you in your life. You see it as a great dramatic event. I look at it. From my own point of view, your experience is not dramatic at all but rather comic. Based on my experience, what you’re going through is funny.
And we’re both right.
It is dramatic and it is funny. It is dramatic to you, based on your experience and the lessons you learned in life so far. It is comic to me, based on my experience and the lessons I learned in life so far.
You explain your point of view to me. You try to convince me that your interpretation is the right one. I look at the circumstances. To me, your event is not dramatic. No matter how hard I try to see it that way. Because my life taught me otherwise.
I empathize. I try to see things your way. I try to understand your point of view. I even accept that you see reality the way you do. But I can’t be you. I can’t see things your way.
And we’re both right. I am right in seeing life the way my own life experience lets me and so are you. If I learned that cats scratch and can’t be trusted, I won’t be able to feel love for your pet cat. I might accept the animal because it’s yours but I won’t share your feelings. No matter how hard I try.
In this dramatic situation, you have feelings of despair. You’re truly miserable. I’m sorry for you. But I can’t feel the same way. Your situation is still funny to me.
Do you know what this means? This means that I will never fully understand you the way you want me to. I will only understand you the way I can. I will only see you and your circumstances from my own point of view. And as such, I will never see you the way you want me to. I can’t. I can only see you the way my own point of view lets me.
You want me to understand you and your life your own way. I can’t. You then feel frustrated because I don’t. There’s nothing I can really do about it. I can’t see what I can’t see.
We often feel upset because others don’t see or feel what we want them to. The truth is that we all only see and feel what we can. What life taught us.
The moment I understood that I can only see you the way I do and that you see me the way you do and that there’s nothing either of us can do about it, my life became much easier. I stopped feeling upset so often and accepted people more easily.
I don’t need you to be the person I want you to be anymore. You will never be able to fully become the you I see because the you I see is only the you in my own view. And it’s ok because it is the way it is.
Enjoy life… all of it,
Jessica J. Lockhart